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American Horror Story Coven Recap 11/6/13- Episode 5 by Maxwell Kale

Onto episode 5 of "American Horror Story Coven" and the show gets wackier, tackier, and more camp! I decided to view this season as just a fun campy show in comparison to the other seasons which concentrated more on horror.
The episode begins with a flash back with Kathy Bates on All Hallows Eve. Like any good mother she is trying to impress her daughter’s suitor by showing him her, “Chamber of Horrors.” This chamber consists of the usual man catching items like a bucket full of slave eye balls, a platter of intestines, and other spare slave body parts. What man wouldn’t want to marry into that? Needless to say Kathy Bates’ daughter goes to bed without getting laid due to her mom’s batshitness. So of course the horny daughters decide to spend their pent up aggression on killing their mom. Mother dearest doesn’t agree and locks them in cages for a year. Talk about an intro.
Then we see Fiona react to the acid that was thrown on her daughter last episode. Lots of dramatic screaming. Meanwhile back at the school the zombies continue to attack. We see that Angela Basset is controlling these zombies and it forces the characters to hide out.
We then learn that Fiona’s daughter has lost her optic nerves and is now blind for life. Fiona flips out and starts attacking the doctor. Afterwards we see Fiona go into the hospital pharmacy and go drug shopping. She looks as happy as Lindsay Lohan would in a room full of pills. We then see Fiona go on a drug fueled trip throughout the hospital. She ends up in a room with a crying woman who has a still birth. Fiona forces the dead baby into the poor woman’s hands and has her repeat, “I love you more than the world.” The dead child then comes back to life! This scene was really deep and made Fiona a better rounded character. This was the only great scene in the whole episode that wasn’t absurdly trashy.
Oh yeah, that zombie attack. Zoe gets out of the car and runs and hides in a shed. We then find out the zombies happen to be Kathy Bate’s daughters all grown up. We then see Queenie attack herself in order to hurt the zombies. This does little to nothing so then we see Kathy Bates harpoon her own zombie daughter and kill her. The show doesn’t explain how she could do this but Queenie’s magic couldn’t. This doesn’t make much sense. Needless to say Kathy Bates finally after hundreds of years realizes she might have been a little bit bad as a mother. Go figure.
Next we see Zoe go all Bruce Campbell on these zombies with some kickass chain saw action. This works well until the chainsaw breaks. All of a sudden Zoe gains the power to knock down zombies with a single spell . This spell also knocks out Angela Bassett and pisses her off incredibly! Ok Ryan Murphy we ALL KNOW that Zoe is the supreme witch now.
Next thing we see the mistress’ husband show up. Last we saw him he was hooking up online and murdering chicks. Thank god he cares now! He freaks out over his wife’s new found blindness. Fiona totally bitches him out. Worth a watch.
After this Fiona is back at the school and decides to burn all the zombies. The witches council then shows up. Myrtle the creepy red head with crimped out hair blames Fiona for all the recent problems going on at the school. Fiona the total badass bitch she is turns the tables on Myrtle and says she threw acid in her daughter’s face. She then shows the proof of acid on Myrtle’s hand. The council decides to tie Myrtle to a tree then soak her in gasoline. Fiona then in a really awesome shot throws a cigarette at Myrtle and then she burns to death.
Next we find out Fiona used Queenie’s power to set up Myrtle to make it look like she had thrown acid at her daughter. GASP! Fiona then tells Queenie she could be the next witch supreme but everyone knows this is just bullshit.
Then we see a dumb creepy scene with the butler dancing around again dressed like a girl. This time we see dead Madison’s arm fall off.
The episode ends with the Stevie Nicks witch randomly showing up and resurrects Myrtle.
Kind of fun episode.


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