Finally a new episode of "American Horror Story Coven" that goes somewhere! It only took a two week break for the show to figure out it needs to reach an ending in only a few more episodes.
The episode starts off rather randomly with Queenie walking under a bridge with junkies and homeless people. As any one with a brain cell can guess she is randomly attacked by a creepy homeless junkie. She beats the crap out of him like a total diva and then steals his heart. In comes the two lame white witches Madison and Zoe begging her to return to the coven. Queenie simply replies, “ War is coming and you’re gonna loose.” Finally, Queenie gets her backbone back.
Fiona then has a rather funny line about comparing her dying of cancer as going from being Samantha to more like Pandora everyday. For some odd reason to keep the random axe murderer ghost relevant he is still sleeping with Fiona and begs her to come with him for her last days. Fiona remains rather fickle on the subject and then decides she needs to kill the new supreme witch in order to gain her vitality back but she has no clue which little bitch it is. Oddly enough these two kind of make a cute couple believe it or not.
Then we are treated to finally seeing another pointless character in the show. The hot shirtless Christian neighbor! Where has he been? Why hasn’t he been seen shirtless more? The questions this show inspires are never ending. Anyhow we see his generically Carrie-esque mom rant on and on about the evilness of the witches next store. I swear did Ryan Murphy just see a preview of the new Carrie film and go, “Let’s add that mom to this show!” This season has a tendency to instead of scare people like the first season they instead try to shock people with bizarre sex scenes. In comes the bat shit mom that punishes her son by making him get naked (Yes!) and then pumps with an enema of soap. (What the hell!). Really this scene is very confusing and we just see her hand him a pump and him in a bath tub. Ryan Murphy what on earth is this?
Next we see the headmistress finally become a BAMF by deciding to kill her old hag of a mother Fiona. Why didn’t she think of this say two episodes ago when such a thought would have been interesting? Misty then arrives and rants on and on about how an assassin tried to kill her as if we care. Also incomes the redhead Myrtle and pronounces the once pointless Stevie Nicks obsessed idiot as the next supreme witch! Geesh these standards are low. We see Kyle yet another male character that really didn’t do much other than have off encounters with his mom too. I’m starting to think Ryan Murphy must have a bizarre connection with his mom seeing all these screwed up mother son moments. Kyle is learning from a children’s app on a tablet about how to speak.
Then we see Fiona throwing up in a toilet and when she leaves the bathroom she is flabbergasted to see Madison alive. Madison tells Fiona she is the witch supreme and that Fiona might as well kill herself to get things going. Little does Fiona know this is just a trick by the coven to get rid of her. Also incomes Myrtle who also reinforces the idea Fiona should kill her self. Man she has some good people in her life. None the less Fiona decides to go through withit. YODO! (You only die once!) While this might of finally been a good turn of events it is later ruined by the ghost of the butler and he comes and forces Fiona to throw up and tells her she has been lied to. The diva is back!
Nan then gets mad people don’t believe she is suitable to become the new witch supreme. She of course seeks solace in the arms of her hot neighbor. Too bad he is tied up and in a closet. Speak about metaphors. Then incomes the assassin who shoots the mom and the hot son. We see Queenie visit Kathy Bates in her cage. This makes Angela Bassett furious so she cuts off Bates’ hand. The coven goes on to celebrate the death of the wicked witch. Then bam! In comes the diva Fiona and she lights her own cigarette in dramatic fashion. Fiona then goes with the new supposed witch supreme to see her resurrection powers as work on the crazy mom next store.
Kyle then tells Zoe she loves her in his best Frankenstein’s monster impression. Of course for dramatic effect Madison hears this and becomes depressed.
Then there’s an actual touching moment when Fiona expresses to her daughter she is proud of her because she finally did something for once in her life and tried to kill her. This is oddly the most emotional scene in the whole show and perhaps the best writing thus far.
The episode ends with Kathy Bates' head in a box arrive on the coven’s doorstep.